An open letter to my IRL friends

I have a friend, who will remain anonymous, who posted this on one of our parenting forums. I asked if I could use it for my blog, since I was laughing soo hard. We all have these issues in our real life, but sometimes, we behave ourselves and don't blog about it. I'm blogging it for her, so the world can see it. She says that she might even make it a weekly thing, because her friends in real life (IRL), are slowly driving her crazy.

1. I'm sorry that you found a tick on your 2 year old. Seriously, the chances that he has Lyme Disease is slim to none. Quit obsessing about it.

2. I don't understand why you want a pep talk from me about your son going to Mother's Day Out 2 days a week. You had him in daycare 5 days a week, so I'm not quite sure why MDO (Mother's Day Out) is an issue for you.

3. No, your 2 year old won't get beat up at preschool. On the other hand, if you continue to act crazy, one of the other parents may beat YOU up.

4. No, you shouldn't leave your huge Boxer in the house when people come to see your house that you've just placed on the market. Why would you even think you should do that? Oh, that's what you're gonna do anyway? Okay...quit asking my opinion on stuff.

5. A snake is not going to chew through your 2nd story window screens and come into your house if you leave your window open during the day.

6. You just showed up in a new BMW. Please don't ever, ever, EVER complain to me again about how bad your personal finances are and that you can't make ends meet. You are either lying or just make really poor life decisions.

7. Your son has a mullet. Please cut his hair.

8. Pets are not disposable. I don't understand how you've taken 5 of your pets (dogs and cats) to animal shelters in the 2 years that I've known you, and continue to get more pets.

9. Please quit emailing me pics of your kids all the time. I see you and your kids about once a week.

10. I'm sorry that no one is coming to your party on Saturday night. You only invited people with young kids who have to get babysitters. Seriously, don't give me a hard time about not wanting to pay a sitter $50 to go to your party, when no one but you and me are going to be there anyway.


Okay, I feel a lot better. Sorry, I'm sure I sound like a bitch, but I think that if they'd just stop and think about how crazy they are, the insanity would end. I know you guys must have friends like this, too!

By the way, this is why I love this particular friend, and I truly wished she lived closer. Although, I might be blogging about myself then...